A guide for newbies:1. If you’ve never been to Florida and you’ve haven’t been out in the sun all winter, even if you normally tan well, don’t overdo the sun. Your face may just swell up like a balloon – on the right side if you were sitting on the third base line at Joker Marchant Stadium in Lakeland. Use ibuprofen for the swelling. Afterwards, your face will fall off, but at least it never hurt.
2. Don’t buy the Cincinnati Reds American Lager. It is an amber made by Crudweiser and costs twice as much.
3. Don’t bother bringing lots of stuff for autographs. Despite the fact that signing is a part of the game, most of the players think they’re too good for us common folk to acknowledge our existence. Retired players and Brandon Phillips are exceptions. Then again, if I had to deal with people like that woman who kept screaming “I’m gonna tell your mother!” at Adam Dunn when he didn’t look at the crowd, I might not look at the crowd either. (Eric Davis actually came over to her and told her to tone it down.)
4. When collecting sea shells, make sure you aren’t picking up living things. Like five baby clams, some scallops, a small octopus, a few cowries, and some sort of sea worm. They end up stinking when they die.5. Remember it’s still winter, even if it is called “Spring” Training. Nothing like wearing a sweatshirt on your only full day at the beach. The water off Siesta Key was warmer than the air, which had gale force winds that aroused the sand to sting your legs. Make sure you bring long pants and a jacket, especially to games when it looks like it could rain.
6. Don’t expect it to be like a real game. I was amazed at how many people got upset when the starters came out in the third and fourth innings. But those were the younger touristy folks – the old folks know how to watch a baseball game, and there were a lot of them. There was none of that getting up and down during innings, no whining children with parents who won’t tell their kids to sit in their seats, and not a lot of cell phones or drunk people. There were also no gimmicks or videos or 500 mascots with their big heads blocking the view as they roam the stands. While I appreciated all of this immensely, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss knowing that once the season begins, so will these annoyances.
7. Don’t ever assume a pop up is going to stay in play. I waited a split second too long as I sat in disbelief that a foul ball was blowing my way and missed the catch, only to turn around and grab it on the carom. Second foul ball I’ve gotten in my life. But man, is it tough to catch those high pops when the wind is whipping around the stadium. I’ve never seen a ball blow like that.8. Read Ernest Hemingway while you’re down there. It makes the whole Florida experience come to life. You can almost pretend that Sarasota isn’t one continuous strip mall with a few retirement trailer parks and a couple of golf courses stuck in between and beaches full of drunken college students.
9. Don’t get to the ballpark four hours before game time. The minor leaguers don’t start their drills until 10am, and watching their drills gets old real quick.
10. Don’t get too depressed when you step outside the airport as you make your way home and you see the ground covered with several inches of snow, ensuring a quick loss of your tan over the next few days.
11. Have fun!
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