It's not a hill, it's a mountain...but we're gonna make it all the way to the light...

Welcome to "If I Were a Sportswriter," the game where I pretend like I actually get paid to write about baseball.

Cincinnati, Ohio (CoB) - Sweltering summer heat was no match for Cincinnati Reds starter Bronson Arroyo, who earned his tenth win on the season with a victory over the Colorado Rockies on Friday night. Arroyo gave up two runs in seven innings in front of a large crowd of 37,188 at Great American Ball(p)ark, most of whom had found themselves in the stadium after being sucked through a time machine back to 1990.

Arroyo himself nearly was transported through the machine back to Toronto, Canada. After six brilliant innings and one ok inning, he gave up a homer in the eighth to Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo, which was needlessly reviewed and left the Reds clinging to a one run lead. Shaken and stirred after the umpires confirmed the homer, the blond haired rocker put two on with no outs before Reds manager Dusty Baker went to rescue him, replacing the one time All Star with current All Star Arthur Rhodes, himself having gone through a time machine earlier in the season back to the days of his youth.

"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him," said Baker to Rhodes as his badass self reached the mound. But some Reds fans in the stands, who had witnessed too many bullpen meltdowns even as they worshiped at the alter of Arthur, shouted such things as "Oh god! The Deadbirds are up four nothing on the Dodgers!" and "If we blow this, we're gonna be in second place!"

Arthur replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." A bunch of fans ran to buy hotdogs and topped them with mustard. And so, after walking the first batter, he moved those Rockies off the basepaths with a popup and two badass strikeouts to preserve the Reds' one run lead. "You can't touch this," he said as he strutted to the dugout.

The ninth inning was not without drama, as Caca Cordero took the mound and allowed his customary coronary before he sealed the game and recorded his 25th save in 400 opportunities. As the last out was mercifully recorded, Reds fans could hear the immortal words echoing through the depths of their souls, the most beautiful seven words in human language: "...and this one belongs to the Reds!"

On MC Hammer night...

On this day in 1990 the #Reds beat the #Expos 8-3. Tim Layana was the winner. Reds were 7.5 games up on the Giants at 54-31.

For this winter day, I present you: Hot Red Hot

This made me LOL. Oh, how terrible it was, but I'd put up with another equally as bad recording if we could have another trophy.

Here's my update for Reds Rap 2010. Can you picture Harang and Bruce trying to rap?

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Let me tell you a story about a baseball team
On top of the game and it's not a dream
From fourth to first the pennant we can win
Now I present THE CHAMPIONS!

Hot, red hot
Hot, red hot

Harangutan here with the rest of my crew
BP, C-Dick, and Voltron, too
Coming to you live just to bust the groove
With some help from my homeboys to make you move
This is the time of year to take the pennant
Ain't no half steppin', so let's win it!
Listen up, listen to the story,
This is the year, the moment of GLORY!

I'm from the streets, the streets of CA
I chose ball, and I'm really good, eh?
I've seen people playing hockey acting like they're cool
If they were smart, a bat would be their hitting tool.
Enough of that, I wanna beat that Cardinal Poo.
Just listen up, that's what I want to talk aboot.
Back to this rap, and this is what I got to say
In twenty-ten we're gonna take it all the way.

We're the Reds, red hot
We're the Reds, red hot

Strike three, he's out, you'll always hear
With Johnny Quest you'll have no fear
All year long I'll be the best
So all you critics forget the rest.
This is my time to shine, that's why I'm bustin' this rhyme.
The pitch I'm throwing today - aye carumba! muy caliente!

When duty calls Jay will deliver
With crushing blows that'll make you shiver

Stubbs in the outfield running down shots
Fly balls, line drives, they gotta be caught

It's been a long time, I've taken some heat
Because of my managing we're gettin' beat
I send C-Pat and Willy to the dish
And the pitcher says, You can't touch this

Yo, take it to the seventh inning stretch!

Go Bronson! Go Bronson! Go, go, go Bronson!

Uncut, no work, I have no pain
Me and my guitar we're together again
Another homer, look out, who can it be?
Oh, we're in Toronto for season three!

There's more to life than O.B.P.
You can make it to the big leagues like Willy T.
Striking out, grounding out is what I do
They pay me millions, yes it's true.

This is the roster, it's really not full
Leftfield has a great big hole
Shortstop Soft-J comes with no bat
How long til Alonso wears a C hat?

We're the Reds, red hot?
We're the Reds, not hot?

Here's a special message for Walt:

Say no to Carroll, no to bad contracts
Just get us someone to hit the ball with the bat
And you can win the World Series all right
Not by making bad trades but doing what is right.

Say no to Willy, yes to Gomes
Just get us someone who can get on and cross home
And we can win the World Series for once
It's been twenty years since we were champions!

We're the Reds, red hot
We're the Reds, red hot

Hey there we're doing this for you...

We're the Reds, red hot
We're the Reds, red hot

Everybody clap your hands...

Hmm...that turned out a little more bitter than I had hoped.

And then there was this:



It's hard to think Cincinnati sports teams used to be good. I'm still not certain the Bengals are really in first place. If only the Reds would follow suit...

There's always next decade...or the one after that.

A few years ago, well, several years now, I attended a game at Camden Yards commemorating the 20th anniversary of the 1983 World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Baltimore Orioles. This World Series was the last one the Orioles appeared in, and I said aloud, “It’s so sad that a team has been so bad that the only thing it has to celebrate is the 20th anniversary of its last World Series appearance.”

At that time, the Reds were in the midst of only their third consecutive losing season, and we were certain that we were almost there – maybe next year. Though his arm had already fallen off for the season, we still couldn’t envision that Ken Griffey, Jr. in a Reds uniform would always be like that. We had the promise of the Dunnandkearns show. Everything was gonna be all right.

Still, I remember thinking “I sure hope the Reds never get to that point where they go 20 years between World Series appearances.”

So are you going to 1990 20th anniversary night next year?

“They had the California look, and frankly, we didn’t like it” - Rob Dibble

Allen at Over the Monster has a bit on Billy Hatcher, including this great memory:

The story of the 1990 WS is that the Reds swept the Oakland A's. They were the benfactors of a dominant pitching performance by Jose Rijo: 2-0, 0.59 ERA, 15.1 IP, 5 K. They were also the benefactors of a great hitting performance from Billy Hatcher: 12 ABs, 9 H, 6 R, 4 2B, 1 3B. .750/.800/1.250, for a 4 game OPS of 2.050. This was important for Hatcher, who could feel some sense of redemption after the corked bat incident in 1987.

While I don't remember the corked bat incident, I most certainly remember Hatcher's stellar performance during the greatest Reds period of my life. I can remember thinking he would never make an out when he had the 7 consecutive hits, and well, he only made three outs the whole series.

We were in first place during the entire year, the first team to ever go wire to wire. We were led by pitching rather than the big bats - the Nasty Boys, Jose Rijo, Tom Browning, and Jack Armstrong. (What I did not remember is that Charlton started 16 games.) The Reds played small ball with pitching and speed, having 6 players reaching double digits in stolen bases, and two of them, Eric Davis and Billy Hatcher, reaching 30. There were no superstars, only a young Barry Larkin, Chris Sabo, ED, and Paul O'Neill who played as a team.

The excitement of the year still lingers in the hearts of every Reds fan (much as I imagine it does for those who remember the grand years of the Big Red Machine.) After four straight years of coming in second place, it was our time, a time when the magic of baseball filled our spirits and brought plenty of goosebumps and tears of pure joy. The incandescent nights of October belonged to Cincinnati, the birthplace of professional baseball and a city where winning was a tradition.

The signing of Aaron Harang may signal a return to small ball after years of leading the world in offense. But you know, although the offense is fun to watch, winning is much more precious, as those of us who remember 1990 know. We've got one of the top 1-2 punches in baseball, and 3-4 could be worse. We have a strong infield and a Hall of Famer roaming the outfield next to a guy who has absorbed some of the spirit of Charlie Hustle and a guy who hits baseballs to the moon. We have some depth in the pen, some depth on the bench, and a guy named Homer waiting in the wings. I think if the baseball gods look down on the Reds and give Griffey one last hurrah of a season, give Alex Gonzalez 15-20 hits above his average year, and help Bill Bray realize his potential, we have a really good 2007 coming to us.

Let's pray we don't have to have one of those "20 year reunions" that teams have when they haven't won a World Series in a pair of decades.
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