One hundred and fifty-eight games and four games

Note: I wrote this yesterday while watching the Tigers finish their collapse.

I'm back in the place I was at the beginning of the season - sitting on the front porch watching baseball on a brilliantly blue day, temperature clinging to seventy, sunshine warming my skin, only it is not joy and excitement I feel this time, but a sort of depression like the world has ended. I let out a sigh among a sea of sighs, for in a sense, one world has ended - the 2006 Cincinnati Reds are no more, a team that for six or seven glorious months was my world. Back in the spring, I had hope that the Reds could reach .500; I could never have imagined that would be good enough for a playoff run. The last game of the season is always tough, but this year we are left with a bittersweet feeling of what could have been.

Oh yes, the pain is real - the whole body is afflicted with melacholy when Marty signs off for a season and leaves us with wait and wonder. Tomorrow we'll feel an emptiness at about 7:05pm, an emptiness that will linger through the snow, ice, and bleak freeze of winter that stand between us and another Cincinnati baseball game. I'm not going to lie - this is an emotional day for me - and every year it seems to hurt more. Is it the recognition of the passage of time, an exclamation point on the reminder that we can never have this again, this team, this season, these memories?

Some seasons are easier than others, but this one is plagued with questions of what if. Four more wins could have made the difference. What if Adam Dunn had had four more clutch hits? What if Jerry would have started Aurilia over Clayton four more times? What if EdE had sat four fewer games? What if Stormy Weathers had blown four fewer saves? What if Franklin had pitched four fewer innings? In that vein, what if Krivsky had DFA'd four more players or had picked four fewer pitchers off the trash pile? What if he hadn't given up one-fourth of our offense?

We can say 'what if' all day, but it won't bring the season back. We have four long, cold months until pitchers and catchers report to spring training. A look back on 2006:

March Winds Blow

The year began with the World Baseball Classic, a tournament I was particularly interested in on account of my affinity for international affairs and travel. To see the game I love played by teams from every continent with MLB players was thrilling, and maybe my next summer abroad won't lack baseball. I'm looking forward to the next Classic in 2010.

I never dreamed of October as the winds of March blew in our great summer.

Forget April in Paris, How About April in Cincy? (17 - 8)

April came, magic April, when the team charged out of the gate faster than any other Reds team in history. They surprised everyone, even us fans, who suddenly found ourselves allowing thoughts of October to slither into our minds. Opening Day, that most hallowed of holy days, was a cold disaster, but by April 30, it was all but forgotten. We were introduced to Brandon Phillips, who took over second from Tony Womack and subsequently earned NL Player of the Week honors. I saw the Reds sweep the Nats at RFK, which didn't bother me a bit - Bronson had a one hitter during that series, a game in which my future husband Ryan "Brooks" Zimmerman, R.O.Y.! ruined the no-no.

April Showers Don't Always Bring May Flowers (12 - 16)

The Reds played in reality in May, going 12-16. Highlights included Griffey's walkoff homer in the 11th in his first game off the DL, Arroyo leading the Majors in ERA, a two game sweep of the Deadbirds, and the start of that beautiful eight game win streak. It was this month when we realized the full extent of the disaster we had for a bullpen, as they proved it in their performances. We also learned that our defense was Little League caliber. Despite a 2.94 ERA in the month, Harang went 1-3 thanks to 6 unearned runs in his starts.


Something Wonderful Happens in Summer (15 - 12)

Ah, June, glorious June, which started with an 8 game win streak and the sweetest of all sweeps - a back-to-backer against the Asstros and the Deadbirds in which we handed Roy O his first defeat against Cincy and tasted the sweet honey of first place. Stormy Weathers was the epitome of suckitude then, as he posted a 10.80 ERA that month. I got to see the Reds play two games at Shea, one in which Brandon Phillips won the game when Billy Wagner blew the save. June solidified our October dreams. It was a cruel, cruel joke.

Black Day in July (11 - 14)

It was a messy battle with suckitude, a period of time when we first were sure we had a moron for a manager based on his use of a bullpen and the way he'd sit a guy the day after having a good day at the plate or the day after he made an error. We knew something would happen over the All-Star break, and we welcomed it since we couldn't get through the season with our craptastic bullpen. We couldn't have envisioned, however, that Wayne would lose all sense of reason and thus, as it turned out, our season by trading away a fourth of our mighty offense for nothing.

Oh! What It Seemed to Be (12 -17)

In August I began an earnest search for jobs in Cincy so I could go to the playoff games. We had been sitting atop the Wild Card all season, with an occasional glimpse at what is known as first place in the NL Central. Yeah, we knew it would be tough down the stretch, but the total collapse - that horror of a West Coast trip - shocked us into depression. We had our second NL Player of the Week in Edwin Encarnacion, whom Jerry finally started playing everyday. I saw the Reds beat up the Phillies at Citizens' Bank Ballpark, a game that included back-to-back-to-back homeruns and the first game that Richie got to play short instead of Clayton.

Wake Me Up When September Ends (13 - 14)

I finally made it to Great American Ballpark over Labor Day, but thanks to Stormy Weathers, I did not see a win. It was a crushing defeat after that disasterous West Coast trip.

After that, Jerry stopped trying to win games, Griffey decided he didn't want to play anymore, Freel broke his thumb and our spirits, and we were staring at a seven game deficit, void of hope and kicking the rocks on the sidewalk.

Suddenly, though, God seemed to have changed his mind, as the Deadbirds began a collapse of their own. Mutations of hope appeared to Reds fans once again - irrational, illogical, delusory hope that carried us through the second to last day of the season before it was snuffed out rudely by a Deadbirds win. We truly were moths to a flame, weren't we?

I, like many Reds fans, found myself tuning into every game, skipping social engagements and other events to follow the team. When I recall the summer of 2006, I will recall baseball. There was nothing else - 22 MLB games in 5 stadiums, including 7 Reds games in 4 stadiums and 17 games in RFK. If only I could have seen a game in Pittsburgh this weekend...

So what did we get out of the year? We learned to hope again, to look forward to the next season. Harang led the National League in both wins (tie) and strike outs (surely he'll get a few Cy Young votes?) We had two pitchers hit 14 wins. Dunn had 40 homers again. We finally beat Roy O. We had more walkoff wins than anyone. We got a second basemen who could be good for a long time. We have some of the best prospects in all of baseball - Bailey dominated, Votto kicked butt, we had two Minor League MVPs, and we have hope for the future.

We also have a great blogosphere. (Last.)