Saturday, May 30, 2009

Say it ain't so, Joey

So today we find out that Joey Votto has been put on the DL for "stress-related issues." Apparently, ear infections are more serious than we could have imagined. Take a look at this wiki entry for Labyrinthitis. A snippit:
Chronic anxiety is a common side effect of labyrinthitis which can produce tremors, heart palpitations, panic attacks, derealization and depression. Often a panic attack is one of the first symptoms to occur as labyrinthitis begins. While dizziness can occur from extreme anxiety, labyrinthitis itself can precipitate a panic disorder.
But I like to think there is something else bothering our Joey, something that is easier to overcome. What could it be? Well, I was brainstorming and came up with several possibilities for what is stressing Mr. Votto. One of these has to be it:

  • He still feels guilty for not signing my ball at the Bats game in Richmond I went to two years ago.
  • He is upset by Canada's recent announcement that it will cut back on foreign aid.
  • He is bothered by comments about his unibrow.
  • Someone is blackmailing him for the porn film he made during the off season after A ball.
  • Asian Pete Rose stole his Angel Bucks.
  • He is jealous that Bronson has a bigger boat than he does.
  • Someone laughed aboot his funny accent.
  • He is gay and afraid to come out in conservative Cincinnati.
  • He feels ripped off because Molson is expensive in the States.
  • He is secretly drinking from plastic water bottles and is ashamed to confront Chris Dickerson.
  • He is scared of being Pipped by Ramon.
  • His illness made him realize he was mortal.
  • He feels his offense is inadequate after his average dipped below .370.
  • He can't bear to watch Jay Bruce strikeout to end any more games.
  • He got a calling to the priesthood.
  • The ghost of Ted Kluszewski haunts him at firstbase when he plays.
  • He can't get over the fact that he couldn't play on his bobblehead day.
  • He is upset that Jay has more homers than he does.
  • Marty was mean to him.
  • Jeff Brantley keeps trying to make him eat ribs though he's a vegetarian.

But all kidding aside, this is worrisome. He's going home to Toronto and they don't even know if he's going to come back after 15 days.
The Reds don’t know for certain when Votto will return.

“We’re hoping (it’s 15 days),” Baker said.
Look, Joey dude, I know you'll never read this, but we all support you 100%. Take the time you need to sort things out then come back and out-Pujols Pujols.


Deaner said...

This kind of stuff was happening to KC's Zack Greinke a couple of years ago and he completely left baseball for a while. Of course, now he's one of the best pitchers in the American League. Hopefully Joey can nip this thing in the bud fast.

Daedalus said...

Greinke is exactly who I keep thinking about. It took him quite awhile to "figure things out."

We don't have seasons to wait for Joey. Next year we are expected to be serious contenders - and for several years. Votto is the most important piece of our offense, and without him, well..

It better be something really serious, because this just might have flushed the season down the toilet. We pretty much had to win two of three from Milwaukee and two of four from that other team we play next week. Now we really have to take three from the Pujoles next week. The whole season is going to be like this, and we can't afford to be lifeless in these games.