Paradise Regain'd

Who e're while the happy Ballpark sung,
By one mans pitching talent lost, now won
Recover'd Paradise to all Reds fans,
By one mans firm pitching fully tri'd
Through all the homers, and the winning foil'd
In all his walks, defeated and repuls't,
Hope is rais'd in this vast September.

Thy Baseball Gods, who ledst this glorious flyball pitcher
Into GA Ballpark, his Victorious Field
Against the Baseball Foe, and broughtst him thence
By proof th' undoubted Reds are real, inspire,
As thou art used to sucking so bad,
And bear through highth* or depth of the Fathers' lineup,
With prosperous arm ready to tell of deeds
Above Heroic, though in secret done,
And uncelebrated, well, cursed through 2005,
Worthy t' have not remain'd so long unsung.

John Milton is about the furthest from English an English writer can get and still be considered an English writer, at least it seems that way when you're trying to read him. Can you imagine saying "Worthy t' have not remain'd so long unsung" instead of "He sucked last year but now he's ok?" You think it's hard to understand reading it? Imagine what it sounds like spoken.

*Please note the word "highth," just like George Grande says!

GO REDS GO REDS GO REDS GO REDS GO REDS! MY BROOM OF DESPERATION AWAITS SOME USE!