If I were a journo...

...this is what I'd write about the game last night:

CINCINNATI - A cool night in the Queen City saw a full moon turn Dodger pitcher Chad Billingsly into Cy Young as he downed the struggling Reds 3-1. It was a night when rookie pitcher Johnny Cueto kept his pitches down in the strike zone and for the most part kept Dodgers off the basepaths, allowing 5 hits and 3 walks for a mere 2 runs over 7 strong innings. Cueto became just another victim of no run support in Cincinnati's rotation.

"[The rotation] are getting @#$@%@%@ @#@^^&$%#@ tired of this bull poopy!" Cueto said through a translator. "Chupa ma pene, Corey Patterson," he continued as the translator broke into a coughing fit.

The game started promising for the Reds. After a 1-2-3 first from Cueto, centerfielder Corey Patterson, whose batting average continues to hover below the Mendoza Line, poked a broken bat single through the hole into rightfield. After Billingsly threw over to first several times, Dodger catcher Russell Martin, who had only thrown out 21% of runners attempting to steal, threw a strike on the next pitch to shortstop Angel Berroa, who applied the tag to a running Patterson in plenty of time for the out.

Cueto retired his first seven batters before giving up a one out walk to eight hole hitter Berroa in the third. Billingsly sacrificed Berroa to second, and Juan Pierre hit a line drive to left, just out of the reach of a diving Adam Dunn to score Berroa.

The Dodgers added a second run in the fourth when Jerk Kent hit a leadoff single and scored on Russell Martin's double to left field. Cueto loaded the bases, but Berroa hit into a 6-4-3 double play to end the inning. Jerk Kent tacked on an RBI of his own with a double in the eighth off Jared Burton that scored Blake Dewitt as the relay throw from shortstop Jolbert Cabrera hit him in the back of the head.

The Reds had plenty of runners on the basepaths throughout the game but left nine men on base, four of them by Corey Patterson. The team had their best chance of a rally in the bottom of the seventh inning. Edwin Encarnacion and Joey Votto hit back to back singles with one out and Paul Bako walked to load the bases. Javy Valentin pinch hit for Cueto and narrowly avoided grounding into a double play, hitting a sharp grounder to first for a fielder's choice that scored Encarnacion. With Andy Phillips, David Ross, Paul Janish, and an ill Ken Griffey Jr. still on the bench, Reds manager Dusty Baker let Patterson hit for himself. He promptly grounded out to end the rally.

"Everybody's wondering why I didn't pinch-hit for Corey," Baker said. "Corey, in his career, has been better against left-handers than right-handers. I was limited in the outfield and didn't have Junior today."

On the Reds FSN Ohio television broadcast, former Reds pitcher Chris Welsh was stupified, as were most in Reds country. George Grande, who would be smiling even if napalm were melting his skin off, said, "With Griffey unable to play, Dusty doesn't have many options," to which Welsh replied in a restrained shout, "You find someone to play! You're trying to win a ballgame!" Even Grande had to agree.

The Reds had both Andy Phillips and Joey Votto with limited experience playing the outfield. Still, when you have strikeout pitchers Jared Burton and Francisco Cordero to pitch the eighth and ninth innings, you can make that move. Unless you're Dusty Baker.

"I didn't want to put a guy out there that hasn't played out there," Baker said. "It's not fair to them, either. That ball will find you."

They say fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, uh, uh, you can't get fooled again. Unless you're Dusty Baker. Despite having Andy Phillips on the bench, Corey Patterson came up as the tying run in the ninth inning with two outs. Joey Votto had led off the ninth with a single, but neither pinch hitter Ken Griffey, Jr., who struck out, nor pinch hitter David Ross could grace the bases with their presence. Patterson proceeded to ground out to end the game.

"I've been in that situation before," Patterson quipped unintentionally. "Can I play better? Yes, no doubt. But I'm not going to feel sorry for myself and make excuses."

Fans wonder when enough is enough. Outfielder Norris Hopper has been playing in Louisville on a rehab assignment and has been hitting well. Corey Patterson has never hit Major League pitching well, and the boos that rained down from the 26,906 disgusted fans in attendance communicated what everyone except Dusty Baker and apparently Walt Jocketty know - Corey Patterson has no place on a Major League roster.