After watching history repeat itself for the billionth time this season, I began to reflect upon the reasons that this can continue to happen. After all, no human being with long experience such as Krivsky or Morron can be as dumb as to not do anything about a problem that is close to ending the season, and though either one or both of them might be insane, which would explain the repetition expecting a different outcome, I don't think insanity is the cause of such enormous suckitude. No, after much prayer and contemplation, I have come to the realization that the bullpen is possessed by demons.
It all began on April 17 in Milwaukee (yeah, our bullpen has been sucking for almost a whole month now and only one change has been made). Lest anyone forget, that was the game when Todd Coffey gave up five runs in the top of the seventh when it had been a one-run game at 4-3, Sausage lead. Then, as if Jesus had entered his body to combat evil, Bill Hall hit his first career grand slam. While Coffey was warming up in the pen, demons in the shape of sausages had floated up from Hell and took control of his body, as well as the lumpy bodies of the rest of the pen. They've been wreaking havoc on the Reds ever since.
To combat these evils, there will be an exorcism in the bullpen of Great American Ball(_P)ark. The souls of each reliever and Milton will be purged of unclean spirits which rot their abilities to get outs. Please keep these pitchers in your thoughts and prayers at 7pm when the ritual cleansing will take place.
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