Panic! at the Ballpark

I'm so disgusted by Ryan "I'm on the Phillies payroll" McRanklin that I refuse to talk to him any more. Uh uh, no way, McRanklin is on my very black list, darker than night, darker than a black hole, darker than Darth Vader at night in a black hole. I will not say another word to him through my weeping computer screen. No "Come on, McRanklin!" No "Let's get a DP here!" No "Strike this guy out!" Though I don't think those words ever came from my mouth, anyway. Nothing but groans from these lips, I tell you.

I missed it, the McRanklin rank performance, that is. I missed it because after Rheal "I'm on the Phillies payroll, too" Cormier blew the lead, I was so disgusted I left the corner bar and went to bed when the game tripped into extra innnings. This morning, the feeling of disgust has not left me, so I've composed a little song to help me get through the day.

I write truths not parodies:

Oh, well imagine
As I'm pacing my room while I'm watching the game
And I can't help but to see
No, I can't help but to see a very bad inning

"What a beautiful inning
What a beautiful inning," says a Dodger to another
"And, yes, but what a shame
What a shame the poor pitcher really sux."

I chime in with a
"Haven't you pitchers ever heard of closing the goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face the opposing team with a pitcher who can really pitch.
I chime in
"Haven't you pitchers ever heard of closing the goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to be in a pennant race with a pitcher who can...

Oh, well in fact
Well I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically, we're not in the lead
But we're still in the race
We're in two races.

But, well in fact
We won't be in it much longer
I mean, technically, it's a half game out
But with pitching like this
We won't need the champagne.

I chime in with a
"Haven't you pitchers ever heard of closing the goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face the opposing team with a pitcher who can really pitch.
I chime in
"Haven't you pitchers ever heard of closing the goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to be in a pennant race with a pitcher who can get an out.

No apologies to Panic! at the Disco. I realized how stupid the lyrics are to I Write Sins Not Tragedies when I was writing this post. I like the staccato strings in that song, though, as I'm a sucker for strings in rock songs.