Monday, August 21, 2006

A very stunning game, indeed!

It all started with a ball hit to Rancid Berkman.

The sun was shining (in California), the sky was blue (in Hawaii), and the Reds were in a playoff race (in Cincinnati). Through seven innings, the crowd hadn't had much to cheer about. Sure, there were the dozen or so LOBs, some who were stranded on loaded bases, but not a one of them had decided to cross home plate. But then in the eighth, the young stud third baseman, who uses a Tomahawk missile for a bat, fired the ball out to right. Rancid, one of those beasts of the species Billera Hallis that prey on the Reds, looked as if once again he would feed on them with a diving catch. But no! The ball dribbled out of his claw, and EdE had gotten the party started. (Dunn's coming up, uh huh...)

A giant steamroller of a man, capable of rally killing with a single swing, stood at the plate looking all flashy with his Mercedes Benz of a bat. Everyone wanted the bomb, yet it was not in the best interest of the team, being down by three and all. He took two bases instead, leaving two on for the should-be-shortstop-playing-first-base, who promptly deposited the first pitch he saw into the leftfield seats. Game tied, just like that. You should never hang your sliders.

After King Phillips followed up with a single, what happened next was nothing short of the Apocalypse. Todd Hollandsworthless came in to pinch hit. Automatic out, right? Wrong! He, too, joined the hit parade, then Farney made the second out of the inning. Reds fans already had marked the 6-3 in their scorecards when Rolls Roycemack Hands of McClayton strode to the plate. But he grounded the ball a little too far to the 6's left, who managed to touch it only with a glove string, and King Phillips was able to score on the hit. (Don't worry - that galloping sound you hear is just the four horsemen.) Hollandsprovedworthless on the basepaths, getting caught in a rundown for the third out, but the Reds had gone from a three run deficit to a deafening thunder of a very happy crowd.

When it was all said and done, Reds fans were a little stunned. Were they really ahead? Had both Hollandsworthless and Rolls Roycemack Hands of McClayton gotten hits in the same inning? And who would Jerry McMorron throw out there for the ninth? Why, it would be Trash Heap! As the galloping drew closer, Trash Heap pitched a 1-2-3 ninth, even K'ing Rancid, and the save gave the Reds a 4-3 victory over the Asstros and a two game gap between themselves and the Deadbirds.

The moral of the story? Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Rolls Roycemack Hands of McClayton got lucky, and the Reds win. But that's what baseball is all about, isn't it?

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