I came across this one that is sort of Reds-related and thought I'd share it because it made me LOL and it sort of goes with the Church of Baseball theme.
ATTENTION: Ryan alkdfddgdf (aka: fraudulent scammer):It goes on.
On May 1, 2009, a Pete Rose signature grill (Pete Rose (Signature Series) Roto-Grill! eBay ID: akjflakdjflaksdjf) was ordered from your Ebay auction. Along with that order was payment through debit card. Our bank shows you received $79.00 from our account on May 4, 2009. We have not heard from you regarding this order, its shipment, or anything. We have made repeated attempts to contact you through Ebay, and you have not responded. It is beginning to look like a fraudulent listing. If this is the case, every attempt will be made to get law enforcement involved. We have already been working with Ebay to start a case against you for your lack of communication and this seemingly fraudulent item posting. You got the money, as per the agreement. Up to this point, you have not upheld your end of the agreement by shipping us the item that we paid for.
You have lined your pockets in an unsavory manor and apparently have no desire to communicate with us about this order or the fact that you have no intention of shipping the item we bid on and paid for the day the order was placed. What kind of racket do you run? You know, living in Utah, I would have thought that some Mormon values would have entered into your business practices. You are not an upstanding Mormon at all!! Hmmmm…Where in the Hell is my grill?! It does not take 15 days to ship something from Salt Lake City to Cheyenne, Wyoming!! The distance is not that far. I bet you scam little old ladies who live on limited incomes, too. Do you do that, Ryan? You are one of those people who do not believe in honest work for honest pay, are you Ryan? Funny thing, I have a friend named Ryan, and he is a low-down, dishonest, shady character, too!! What do you suppose the chances of that are? You know, greed is one of the seven deadly sins, and it is quite clear that you are a greedy Godless person who does not care in the least about being dishonest and greedy with people. You obviously do not have any pride, which by the way is another deadly sin…but being so consumed by greed, you will surely burn in Hell for that deadly sin which you practice so well. When you are burning in Hell, I hope to be burning food on my Pete Rose Signature Grill. I plan on grilling a meal to commemorate you as you burn in Hell. First, I plan to grill the very tiny little smokies to signify the tiny wand between your legs that you use to screw people who send you money for products thought to be legitimate. I will also grill two very shriveled up raisins to signify the very tiny balls you have. I apologize if you are a eunuch (and I am half guessing you are), in which case, you don’t have any balls to signify with raisins. If you are, indeed, a eunuch, I will replace the raisins with thin slice of tuna to signify the flat void you have between your legs. I will burn each item sufficiently to match what you will look like as you burn in Hell!! Now, that we have the niceties out of the way, WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE GRILL THAT WAS ORDERED OVER TWO WEEKS AGO?! You should already have a map of Hell and should be able to locate the grill quickly…that is if you know how to read a map. Do they teach that skill in fraud and scammer school? I bet you were valadicklesstorian of the class, weren’t you, Ryan?! I could go on and on, but I am pretty certain you won’t respond to this email, either.Wow.