Purple hurts my eyes

Once upon a time, there was a mascot that looked like he was often beaten up by kids on the playground. His name was Dinger, and he lived at Coors Field in Colorado, because we all know that's where fake dinosaurs live. See, Dinger wasn't like the other mascots. His mommy and daddy were also his aunt and uncle. Because of it, other mascots, as well as players, coaches, fans, National Disgrace, front offices, beer guys, ballboys, batgirls, and even little kids made fun of Dinger.

Dinger wasn't too bright as the result of his unfortunate circumstances, and he actually thought that his team, the Rockies, were going to beat the mighty Cincinnati Reds, who had the best record in allll of baseball. Dinger was smart enough to know that the Two-headed Claussen monster was on the mound in Homer Haven and good pitching was not guaranteed, but he wasn't smart enough to realize that the mighty Reds had the awesomest offense on the planet. They led the world in runs scored, home runs, and a lot of other really important offensive categories.

When the time finally came for the Reds to start beating up on his first place Rockies, Dinger went into the corner of the dugout and hid, because he saw how scary and big were the Cincy sluggers. He was particularly afraid of the Adam Dunn monster, who just looked like he would hit the baseball over the Rocky Mountains.

When the series was over and Dunn, and the Reds left the Rockies in the dust (opening the door for the San Francisco Bondses to take over first,) Dinger ran crying to his mommy/aunt. However, before the mighty Reds boarded their airplane to Arizona, the Adam Dunn monster went over to Dinger and said, "It's ok, Dinger. Nobody beats us. Now, do me a favor and help your team win against the evil Asstros and Deadbirds in the next few days, ok?" Dinger suddenly smiled his in-bred smile and said, "Ok, Number 44! I will!"

The End.