The Battle of Archopolis

Good triumphed over evil in the waning hours of yesterday, when an oppressed people fought gallantly to victory against an imperial force who had stolen baseball in a conquest just six months earlier. The hero of the battle had been a punching bag for Negativocles, who seemed to pop up everywhere, from the dark corners of the blogosphere to the incandescence of a stadium to the talking heads of the $por$ network$. Negativocles said he was a waste of money, destined to ruin a season with his light lumber and his aged 30 year old body. Negativocles looked up to the sky and saw clouds where blue should have been and screamed "The sky is falling!" Then came the thunder.

It came in the form of the coveted longball, the holiest of hits. While El Birdbrains watched in not-so-silence as their evil empire crumbled before their eyes, the enemy they had dismissed so readily hacked away at their outfield fences, and the hero, called The Man Who Has No Bat (misnomer), sent two missiles into the peasantry, who watched the battle from their tiny plots of stadium land.

The Man Who Has No Bat (misnomer) was also known as Defensively Overrated (misnomer) by Negativocles' followers, but he was renamed The Man With The Bat and was awarded the Webgem Medal of Honor for his skill on the soaking battlefield, which had been pounded by oceans of storms that had temporarily suspended the contest prior to its start.

Some notes about the battle:

• The Imperial Prince was silent for most of the night, and then a battle injury took him out of the fight. The injury was brought on by a wizard who had put a voodoo curse on him.
• The Artillery kept firing pitches with the blessing of St. Cy Young, who was tragically ignored during his own sacred holiday last year when the High Priest appointed under his name was chosen. The Artillery had been a perfect representative of the saint, yet the blasphemers chose a lesser deserving candidate.
• The Immortal One wrote his own page of history when he pushed Mr. October off Olympus into the land of the lesser gods. Finally.
• Steamy Hot Drink was full of spoiled milk once again as he secretly tried to aid the enemy in the ninth, but He Who Has No Bat (misnomer) fought the treason successfully, and victory over the hated Deadbirds was sealed.

Final score: 10-3.